Part of 'growing up' is finding your feet. Creating a stable home for yourself. And if you're lucky to be in a happy relationship, well that makes things easier. But if you courageously go it alone, setting up a life can be tricky, but not impossible.
Here's some steps to 'finding some ground'.
1. Is living with your parents a viable option? There's no doubt there can be strain put on the family unit when you put two families under the one roof, but it's a strain most parents are willing to take on. If you find you are short on options, your parents should be the first people you should speak to. You might be surprised at how the conversation goes. Discuss things like boundaries, expectations, communal tasks and individual chores, and a payment/savings plan to cover board and lodgings. A payment plan is a great way to get yourself ready for the real world, creating a budget and savings habit. If living with your parents is not an option...
2. Look for shared accommodation. Rent these days are steep, but it's not going to suck you dry. Look for ways of reducing accommodation costs, like sharing a place with a friend, or even another single mum who has kids! That way the roof over your head will cost you much less, and you'll probably save on children's toys/clothes if you're willing to share. Remember too, living with other people can always cause strain so put in place some boundaries and expectations before you move in.
These websites are great for finding other people/other mums who are looking for a place to share, or have a place and are looking for a tenant.
www.space4.com.au
This website is dedicated to providing a forum for single parents looking to connect, whether it be for friendship, childcare arrangements and most importantly, share housing. There's a great search function to search specifically for younger mums. There is a small cost involved however, a 21 day membership will set you back $9.95 or a 12 month membership will cost you $49.95. The 21 day membership may be all you need to find someone, and it's probably worth the money.
http://melbourne.gumtree.com.au
Gumtree is great for community advertising. Try typing in 'single mum' in the search terms and there's usually a few listings of single mums seeking another single mum. You can also post ads for free on Gumtree, so you could make a listing called 'Single Mum with 2yo looking for house share' and you can name your price - people will contact you!
www.sharerent.com.au
Another great resource for finding share housing - not specific to single parents, but there are still plenty of single mums and dads looking to cut the cost of renting. This service is free.
www.share-house.com.au
Another great resource, much like Share Rent.com.
3. If sharing a place is not an option, remember you still have options! Finding a place on a budget is a tricky task. It takes a lot of time learning demographics and suburbs, and having a clear idea of which suburb will offer the best price for your so precious money. If you consider the inner suburbs of Melbourne, for example, the cost of a two bedroom flat can be that of a 3 bedroom house in the outer suburbs. On the flip side, outer suburbs, such as Boronia to Blackburn are primarily established residential areas and generally do not have lower cost housing such as flats/apartments, commonly found in inner city suburbs. So by looking at outer suburbs you're restricting yourself to a minimum of $300 - $400 per week for a house when you could get a two bedroom apartment in Caulfield for under $300 per week. It's something to consider.
Apartments are not the 'ideal' place for having children - there's usually stairs, no back yard, and other pesky, very intimately situated neighbours that might complain about the baby crying at 3am ("go fuck yourself" I'd say - but that's just me) but there are ways to overcome these issues to make apartment living more practical, such as:
1. don't bother about the backyard - it sounds ideal to have one to 'let the kids run around' but let's face it, we rarely use it, especially during winter, and it's a pain in the arse to maintain. Look for apartments with parks and playgrounds in walking distance. It will keep you fit and get the kids outside, more than 5 metres from the house. Also look for places with a communal garden that has upkeep included in the cost of rent.
2. Look for ground floor apartments. This way you're not carrying a baby up the stairs along with your handbag, the baby bag, and a bag full of groceries. But make note of the security of the ground floor apartments too, and if it's inadequate you can request better locks be installed by the landlord.
3. Look for apartments with less numbers on the block, i.e. one of four units is great, not one of 20. This limits the chances of having very nosey annoying neighbours (or as my sister calls them 'bitch face') glare at you in the communal parking bays. Also ask about other tenants to see if any have kids of their own.
A house sounds very nice, and surely it is. But to maintain a healthy doable budget, an apartment will suit just fine. Even a dingy one you can pretty up with flowers and pictures. And remember, you won't be there forever.
4. Your entitlements - whether you plan to be a full time mum or go back to work, you've got a vast variety of financial entitlements from the Government. It's best to book in to see someone at Centrelink to ensure you're claiming everything you're entitled to claim, but here's a brief overview:
Single Parenting Payment - should you choose not to work, you can claim up to $625 per fortnight.
Family Tax Benefit A - in addition to the Single Parenting Payment, you can claim up to $164.64 per fortnight.
Family Tax Benefit B - In addition to the above two, you can claim up to $140 per fortnight.
Maternity Immunisation Allowance - a one off payment of $129 when you have your child's immunisations up to date.
Rent Assistance - people who qualify for the above who pay rent usually qualify for Rent Assistance also, which can be up to $136.78 per fortnight (but your weekly rent must be more than $136 per week to qualify).
You'll likely qualify for a Pensioners Concession Card too, which gives you excellent savings on a range of everyday things, like electricity bills, train tickets, prescription medicines and even your car rego!
You should be eligible for Child Support payments from the father of the child/ren. If you go through the Child Support agency, they will give you an estimate of what you're entitled to and they will care for any communications and payment collection on your behalf. On the other hand, if you have a good relationship with the father, and he's willing to give you extra support, you don't legally have to stick to the legal minimum entitlement; the father can give you more financial help should you come to that arrangement.
On top of this, should you choose to work a casual job, you can earn up to $175 per week without affecting the above entitlements from Centrelink. After this amount, the payments drop incrementally.
Should you choose to work, you are entitled to the Child Care Benefit and Child Care Rebate, both of which make returning to work much easier. It effectively halves the cost of Child Care. So on average, child care will cost you about $80 a day. The government will subsidise about half of this, making it around $40 a day. You've just got to work out whether your wage justifies putting your children into care, and which option is more financially beneficial to you.
And then finally you've got the Baby Bonus or the Paid Parental Leave payments. The Baby Bonus is a payment given to those who may not work or are students. This is a total of $5,437 over 13 fortnightly installments. The Paid Parental Leave option is for those who have worked for 10 months of the preceding 13 months prior to the baby's birth. This can include casual, part timers or contractors, so long as they work a minimum of one day a week for 10 months (or equivalent). The payment for this is $589.40 (before tax) per week for 18 weeks.
See www.centrelink.gov.au for more information. Please note above figures are indicative only and accurate figures are based on individual assessment by Centrelink.
There are always options, even when you're a single parent. And there will always be someone there to help should you need it, whether it be your parents, friends, family, the church, the salvation army - you might just have to ask.
With love,
Ashleigh.
Thursday, 18 August 2011
Top 10 Things A Mum Can Do To Make Life Easier!
Over the past 2 years, I've been juggling trying to be a new mother and learn how to be an adult too. I've received a wealth of advice from other mothers who've been there and done that. I've also heard an enormous amount of crap I'll never use also. So to make life a little easier, here are the best tips I've been given to get me on my way to a happy and healthy parenthood.
1. Cook in Bulk - There's nothing worse than rummaging through the pantry and fridge to find something to eat, knowing full well it's virtually empty but for the mountain of tinned tomatoes and beetroot, condiments and a sack of potatoes, all of which need some form of preparation to be eaten. In fact, what's worse than that is trying to manifest a meal of these miscellaneous items all of which don't seem to go together. As much as it is a pain to have to cook, it makes life easier in the long run. Of a Sunday afternoon, ensure you don't plan for anything else but a few hours of good honest cooking. Cook up a double batch of Spaghetti Bolognese or Vegetable Lasagna and divide it up into portions and freeze them. Then you've always got a good hearty meal you can warm up in a jiffy, meaning you'll have dinner on your table most nights of the week.
2. Speed Cleaning - this tip I got from my sister-in-law who is an inspiration to all young mothers that a functional life is possible. Once you've got the kids down to sleep, and before you sit down and say 'ahhhhh finally', do a quick speed clean around the house. Set the timer on the oven for 20 minutes, focus on a room and go for it. When you put yourself in the mindset of 'speed cleaning', as in, forget the pedantic "got to have all the kids books put back with the spines aligned", just grab an item, and put it back where it's meant to go. You'd be surprised at how much you'll achieve when given a time limit - and at the end of the 20 minutes, you've got a nice tidy(er) house, so kick back and enjoy with a cuppa.
3. Date Nights - when you're busy being a mum, a student, a domestic goddess, you forget the fun parts of life, and why you got into a relationship in the first place. At least once a month (or if that's not possible, once every six weeks is usually a good stretch), get a sitter and go out with your partner. If you don't have a partner, go out with your girlfriends. If you don't have any girlfriends, then go out with a sibling, your grandma, or someone who will actually talk back! Worse case, go see a movie by yourself (which is a lot more enjoyable than it sounds!) It's so important that you don't lose sight of the fact that your time is just as precious and someone needs to take care of you now and then.
4. Establish a Weekly Routine - This is a 'tip' that is applicable to mothers of all ages. The reason why it sits so nicely in this blog is because as 'young mummies', who are constantly waging this dichotomy of young and free with 24/7 mum duties, routines don't always come naturally - trust me I know! For your own sanity, create some form of routine. Whether it be something that's highly rigid and marked down to the minute, or something more open ended, either way it will give you some solid guidance for those days where it feels like it's just blended into the next. It will also give your kids something constant and sure, which always helps prevent tantrums and destructive behaviour. And will also give you an indication of when 'me time' is approaching!
5. Sleep When You Can - I've have been told so often to 'sleep when the baby sleeps'. It's the advice that has transcended through time, and there's good reason for it. On the flip side, if you spend every waking minute with your kids, and then sleep when they sleep, that doesn't leave much room for you to just be you. This is a fine line here - you need your sleep, god knows. But you also need you time. So give yourself a 'cut-off' bedtime, and stick to this time. Make sure it gives you enough sleep to function based on worse case scenarios, such as baby waking up 4 - 5 times a night. But any time before your 'cut-off' time is yours to keep.
6. Have a washing day - there's going to be a constant flow of dirty clothes in a household with kids. And when one day can easily blur into the next, it's good to put in place a day to do the washing. That way, you're not doing some form of laundry nearly every day of the week, then get burnt out and neglect it for a fortnight. It keeps the ball rolling.
7. Kids can help to clean too! - When you've got toddlers or older kids, you can turn your mundane household chores into fun activities for the kids - like sorting the laundry from coloureds to whites, putting them in the washing machine, asking them to pack up all the books, and sweeping the floors. Every bit counts.
8. Remember how old they are - They're kids. Babies. And they don't care if you have an appointment to get to, or you're running late for work. It's incredibly stressful, but you can choose to loose your temper with them, which will just make them upset and prolong the task, or you can stay calm, realise that these sort of things happen, and most people are understanding of a late mum. It won't change the outcome, but it will make you feel better.
9. Tea Time - I wish I had used this tip more, but it's hard to walk away, especially when you're so frustrated. When baby is just being impossible - a 3 month old not sleeping for hours, a toddler throwing constant tantrums, the kids running and screaming - and you're about to explode! Instead, plonk the baby in the cot, the kids in their room (assuming it's child safe), go put on the kettle and have a cup of tea. Go somewhere you can no longer hear the crying. If you know they can't hurt themselves, or they're not crying for some other more sinister reason, then rest assured they'll be fine. It will give you a bit of a breather, a break from the crying and will let you pull yourself together. Screaming at the baby to 'STOP CRYING' doesn't work. Taking time out to have a cuppa does, because when you come back, they might have settled down themselves, or it will give you a patience recharge to keep going just that bit longer.
10. It's not forever - something I constantly reminded myself of, driving my shit box car, sitting on my hand-me-down couch, living on 2 minute noodles when we only had money for nappies. Things wont always be this way. In 5 years time, things will be so different. Better yet, even 6 months from now. When you look back to the past 6 months and look at how far you've come, how much easier parenting is getting, you realise that nothing is permanent. Keep that in mind next time you say 'why is life so hard' - yes it is hard, but it won't always be.
Keep an eye out for our next post, to reiterate just how life does get better as a young mum, with a autobio of an inspirational teen mum.
Would love to hear your thoughts, and what great tips you've been given to make life a little easier!
With love,
Ashleigh.
1. Cook in Bulk - There's nothing worse than rummaging through the pantry and fridge to find something to eat, knowing full well it's virtually empty but for the mountain of tinned tomatoes and beetroot, condiments and a sack of potatoes, all of which need some form of preparation to be eaten. In fact, what's worse than that is trying to manifest a meal of these miscellaneous items all of which don't seem to go together. As much as it is a pain to have to cook, it makes life easier in the long run. Of a Sunday afternoon, ensure you don't plan for anything else but a few hours of good honest cooking. Cook up a double batch of Spaghetti Bolognese or Vegetable Lasagna and divide it up into portions and freeze them. Then you've always got a good hearty meal you can warm up in a jiffy, meaning you'll have dinner on your table most nights of the week.
2. Speed Cleaning - this tip I got from my sister-in-law who is an inspiration to all young mothers that a functional life is possible. Once you've got the kids down to sleep, and before you sit down and say 'ahhhhh finally', do a quick speed clean around the house. Set the timer on the oven for 20 minutes, focus on a room and go for it. When you put yourself in the mindset of 'speed cleaning', as in, forget the pedantic "got to have all the kids books put back with the spines aligned", just grab an item, and put it back where it's meant to go. You'd be surprised at how much you'll achieve when given a time limit - and at the end of the 20 minutes, you've got a nice tidy(er) house, so kick back and enjoy with a cuppa.
3. Date Nights - when you're busy being a mum, a student, a domestic goddess, you forget the fun parts of life, and why you got into a relationship in the first place. At least once a month (or if that's not possible, once every six weeks is usually a good stretch), get a sitter and go out with your partner. If you don't have a partner, go out with your girlfriends. If you don't have any girlfriends, then go out with a sibling, your grandma, or someone who will actually talk back! Worse case, go see a movie by yourself (which is a lot more enjoyable than it sounds!) It's so important that you don't lose sight of the fact that your time is just as precious and someone needs to take care of you now and then.
4. Establish a Weekly Routine - This is a 'tip' that is applicable to mothers of all ages. The reason why it sits so nicely in this blog is because as 'young mummies', who are constantly waging this dichotomy of young and free with 24/7 mum duties, routines don't always come naturally - trust me I know! For your own sanity, create some form of routine. Whether it be something that's highly rigid and marked down to the minute, or something more open ended, either way it will give you some solid guidance for those days where it feels like it's just blended into the next. It will also give your kids something constant and sure, which always helps prevent tantrums and destructive behaviour. And will also give you an indication of when 'me time' is approaching!
5. Sleep When You Can - I've have been told so often to 'sleep when the baby sleeps'. It's the advice that has transcended through time, and there's good reason for it. On the flip side, if you spend every waking minute with your kids, and then sleep when they sleep, that doesn't leave much room for you to just be you. This is a fine line here - you need your sleep, god knows. But you also need you time. So give yourself a 'cut-off' bedtime, and stick to this time. Make sure it gives you enough sleep to function based on worse case scenarios, such as baby waking up 4 - 5 times a night. But any time before your 'cut-off' time is yours to keep.
6. Have a washing day - there's going to be a constant flow of dirty clothes in a household with kids. And when one day can easily blur into the next, it's good to put in place a day to do the washing. That way, you're not doing some form of laundry nearly every day of the week, then get burnt out and neglect it for a fortnight. It keeps the ball rolling.
7. Kids can help to clean too! - When you've got toddlers or older kids, you can turn your mundane household chores into fun activities for the kids - like sorting the laundry from coloureds to whites, putting them in the washing machine, asking them to pack up all the books, and sweeping the floors. Every bit counts.
8. Remember how old they are - They're kids. Babies. And they don't care if you have an appointment to get to, or you're running late for work. It's incredibly stressful, but you can choose to loose your temper with them, which will just make them upset and prolong the task, or you can stay calm, realise that these sort of things happen, and most people are understanding of a late mum. It won't change the outcome, but it will make you feel better.
9. Tea Time - I wish I had used this tip more, but it's hard to walk away, especially when you're so frustrated. When baby is just being impossible - a 3 month old not sleeping for hours, a toddler throwing constant tantrums, the kids running and screaming - and you're about to explode! Instead, plonk the baby in the cot, the kids in their room (assuming it's child safe), go put on the kettle and have a cup of tea. Go somewhere you can no longer hear the crying. If you know they can't hurt themselves, or they're not crying for some other more sinister reason, then rest assured they'll be fine. It will give you a bit of a breather, a break from the crying and will let you pull yourself together. Screaming at the baby to 'STOP CRYING' doesn't work. Taking time out to have a cuppa does, because when you come back, they might have settled down themselves, or it will give you a patience recharge to keep going just that bit longer.
10. It's not forever - something I constantly reminded myself of, driving my shit box car, sitting on my hand-me-down couch, living on 2 minute noodles when we only had money for nappies. Things wont always be this way. In 5 years time, things will be so different. Better yet, even 6 months from now. When you look back to the past 6 months and look at how far you've come, how much easier parenting is getting, you realise that nothing is permanent. Keep that in mind next time you say 'why is life so hard' - yes it is hard, but it won't always be.
Keep an eye out for our next post, to reiterate just how life does get better as a young mum, with a autobio of an inspirational teen mum.
Would love to hear your thoughts, and what great tips you've been given to make life a little easier!
With love,
Ashleigh.
Tuesday, 16 August 2011
Define a 'Young Mum'
Young Mum's Community is designed specifically for mum's who are:
1. Learning how to be a mum
2. Learning how to be an adult
3. Trying desperately to establish a life
...all at the same time.
This blog may sounds like a massive generalisation and may provoke and annoy older mothers who stumble across it, but evidently, there is little support and information available specific to Young Mums. Young mums are the first to join a mothers group, with the hope of finding other young mums, but are usually the first to leave because they tend to be the youngest of the group. It needs to be made clear that being a 'young mum' isn't age specific - it's the 'life stage age' we're referring to.
It's a very difficult thing being a young mum. While there are issues that affect the general maternal population, older mothers usually don't face the same issues as young mums. It's not just learning to be a mum; it's learning to be an adult, learning how to manage a household, manage finances when you have very little, how to establish and maintain appropriate friendships, how to be a 'wife', survive a relationship or get by on your own, and how to 'still be young'. When older mothers have most of this 'learning' behind them, young mothers have to do it all at the same time.
One of the biggest issues facing young mothers is financial hardship. Older mothers might face the same financial pressures if they haven't been able to get much behind them, but they generally don't face the problem of trying to sort out where they are heading because they've already been in their job/career for some time. An additional advantage, the father of the child is likely to be older too, and therefore has higher earning capacity, better job security and probably has a solid idea of what he wants to do with his life; not so much for young men with the world at their feet.
There's also the problem of social judgments. It comes from all directions. Health care workers such as midwives and infant welfare nurses dish it out. Family can be as bad, if not worse. But I think older mothers are by far the worst. New mums are really judgemental at the best of times and always looking to see how their child measures up. The young mum is the ideal target for patronisation. It makes the older mum feel superior and in control when she is feeling as out of control as the younger mum. Not all women are like this of course, but it only takes one or two to make the young mum feel even more vulnerable than she already is. At the end of the day, no matter what age we are, or what life stage we are at, if we're a new mum, we're all 'new' at this.
Isolation is common among any mother, but can be made worse because young mums are often located in the outer suburbs where services are not as good. They often don't have access to transport (cars break down, or no public transport) or simply cannot afford to put petrol in their 1990 shit box of a car. If they are facing financial pressures, they can't afford to live in affluent areas with easy access to education and support facilities. Older women can face this also, but it's more likely to be faced by younger mums.
There are lots of young mums that just don’t have the social support that older mums do. Older mothers have years ahead of relationship and friendship building. Their friendship groups are generally established, and are likely to be at the same life stage. They might have mutual friends though marriage, have friendship groups through working and their careers. And are generally no longer studying so they don't have the pressure of stuydying and raising kids at the same time.
Young mothers not only have the issue of trying to establish strong friendship groups, but the ones they do have are in jeopardy as young mum's friends are simply not at the same life stage. Going out is simple too difficult being a mum; dinner parties and such, typical to the older mother is much more child friendly than a pub crawl till 6am. Difficult when you're a mum. So friendships can be really strained for young mums who's friends aren't at the same stage of life.
They also face real concerns with body issues and fashion that older mums don’t. It’s much more difficult to accept stretch marks and saggy boobs at 20 than it is at 35. When knowingly you had a good decade of good boobs ahead of you, instead you've got 'nanny' boobs at the tender age of 23.
The sex issues for younger mums is very different. I can't talk from experience as I'm still young, but I've been told older women don't hold the self esteem and self confidence issues that young women do. If you're lucky to be in a relationship, you've then got the issues of the father likely being at his sexual prime, and you're running on 4 hours sleep. If you're not in a relationship, you worry about the stretch marks, the extra flab around the belly, worried you wont compare with the other tight, trim girls that still have their vagina intact (which may I point out is an unwarranted fear, but none the less terrifying). And of course the juvenile taunts of immature peers discussing how 'mangled' your vagina must be because you've had a kid. Not such the case you morons.
The relationship issues are also different because younger mothers are unlikely to be married. Often their relationship is much newer than older mums so you go through different problems. The father of the child is also likely to be younger and as such going through issues that older dads may not. Many younger mums have already separated from their partner so are more likely to face problems with access, financial support and issues with Centrelink.
As I mentioned before, not all 'older' mothers are as I've described; can we even say 'older' mothers? I know plenty of mothers who are chronologically more advanced than I, but I see no age gap. This blog is for those mothers who, typically are young (teenagers to 20 somethings, or even 30 somethings) who have not much backing behind them and are facing the world of adulthood and parenthood with a dollar in their pocket an a baby latched to their breast (or bottle).
This blog is designed to give young mums a forum to connect, share, complain, reach out and above all, fit in.
With love,
Ash.
P.S. Thanks mum for your contribution on this. Love you.
1. Learning how to be a mum
2. Learning how to be an adult
3. Trying desperately to establish a life
...all at the same time.
This blog may sounds like a massive generalisation and may provoke and annoy older mothers who stumble across it, but evidently, there is little support and information available specific to Young Mums. Young mums are the first to join a mothers group, with the hope of finding other young mums, but are usually the first to leave because they tend to be the youngest of the group. It needs to be made clear that being a 'young mum' isn't age specific - it's the 'life stage age' we're referring to.
It's a very difficult thing being a young mum. While there are issues that affect the general maternal population, older mothers usually don't face the same issues as young mums. It's not just learning to be a mum; it's learning to be an adult, learning how to manage a household, manage finances when you have very little, how to establish and maintain appropriate friendships, how to be a 'wife', survive a relationship or get by on your own, and how to 'still be young'. When older mothers have most of this 'learning' behind them, young mothers have to do it all at the same time.
One of the biggest issues facing young mothers is financial hardship. Older mothers might face the same financial pressures if they haven't been able to get much behind them, but they generally don't face the problem of trying to sort out where they are heading because they've already been in their job/career for some time. An additional advantage, the father of the child is likely to be older too, and therefore has higher earning capacity, better job security and probably has a solid idea of what he wants to do with his life; not so much for young men with the world at their feet.
There's also the problem of social judgments. It comes from all directions. Health care workers such as midwives and infant welfare nurses dish it out. Family can be as bad, if not worse. But I think older mothers are by far the worst. New mums are really judgemental at the best of times and always looking to see how their child measures up. The young mum is the ideal target for patronisation. It makes the older mum feel superior and in control when she is feeling as out of control as the younger mum. Not all women are like this of course, but it only takes one or two to make the young mum feel even more vulnerable than she already is. At the end of the day, no matter what age we are, or what life stage we are at, if we're a new mum, we're all 'new' at this.
Isolation is common among any mother, but can be made worse because young mums are often located in the outer suburbs where services are not as good. They often don't have access to transport (cars break down, or no public transport) or simply cannot afford to put petrol in their 1990 shit box of a car. If they are facing financial pressures, they can't afford to live in affluent areas with easy access to education and support facilities. Older women can face this also, but it's more likely to be faced by younger mums.
There are lots of young mums that just don’t have the social support that older mums do. Older mothers have years ahead of relationship and friendship building. Their friendship groups are generally established, and are likely to be at the same life stage. They might have mutual friends though marriage, have friendship groups through working and their careers. And are generally no longer studying so they don't have the pressure of stuydying and raising kids at the same time.
Young mothers not only have the issue of trying to establish strong friendship groups, but the ones they do have are in jeopardy as young mum's friends are simply not at the same life stage. Going out is simple too difficult being a mum; dinner parties and such, typical to the older mother is much more child friendly than a pub crawl till 6am. Difficult when you're a mum. So friendships can be really strained for young mums who's friends aren't at the same stage of life.
They also face real concerns with body issues and fashion that older mums don’t. It’s much more difficult to accept stretch marks and saggy boobs at 20 than it is at 35. When knowingly you had a good decade of good boobs ahead of you, instead you've got 'nanny' boobs at the tender age of 23.
The sex issues for younger mums is very different. I can't talk from experience as I'm still young, but I've been told older women don't hold the self esteem and self confidence issues that young women do. If you're lucky to be in a relationship, you've then got the issues of the father likely being at his sexual prime, and you're running on 4 hours sleep. If you're not in a relationship, you worry about the stretch marks, the extra flab around the belly, worried you wont compare with the other tight, trim girls that still have their vagina intact (which may I point out is an unwarranted fear, but none the less terrifying). And of course the juvenile taunts of immature peers discussing how 'mangled' your vagina must be because you've had a kid. Not such the case you morons.
The relationship issues are also different because younger mothers are unlikely to be married. Often their relationship is much newer than older mums so you go through different problems. The father of the child is also likely to be younger and as such going through issues that older dads may not. Many younger mums have already separated from their partner so are more likely to face problems with access, financial support and issues with Centrelink.
As I mentioned before, not all 'older' mothers are as I've described; can we even say 'older' mothers? I know plenty of mothers who are chronologically more advanced than I, but I see no age gap. This blog is for those mothers who, typically are young (teenagers to 20 somethings, or even 30 somethings) who have not much backing behind them and are facing the world of adulthood and parenthood with a dollar in their pocket an a baby latched to their breast (or bottle).
This blog is designed to give young mums a forum to connect, share, complain, reach out and above all, fit in.
With love,
Ash.
P.S. Thanks mum for your contribution on this. Love you.
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