Over the past 2 years, I've been juggling trying to be a new mother and learn how to be an adult too. I've received a wealth of advice from other mothers who've been there and done that. I've also heard an enormous amount of crap I'll never use also. So to make life a little easier, here are the best tips I've been given to get me on my way to a happy and healthy parenthood.
1. Cook in Bulk - There's nothing worse than rummaging through the pantry and fridge to find something to eat, knowing full well it's virtually empty but for the mountain of tinned tomatoes and beetroot, condiments and a sack of potatoes, all of which need some form of preparation to be eaten. In fact, what's worse than that is trying to manifest a meal of these miscellaneous items all of which don't seem to go together. As much as it is a pain to have to cook, it makes life easier in the long run. Of a Sunday afternoon, ensure you don't plan for anything else but a few hours of good honest cooking. Cook up a double batch of Spaghetti Bolognese or Vegetable Lasagna and divide it up into portions and freeze them. Then you've always got a good hearty meal you can warm up in a jiffy, meaning you'll have dinner on your table most nights of the week.
2. Speed Cleaning - this tip I got from my sister-in-law who is an inspiration to all young mothers that a functional life is possible. Once you've got the kids down to sleep, and before you sit down and say 'ahhhhh finally', do a quick speed clean around the house. Set the timer on the oven for 20 minutes, focus on a room and go for it. When you put yourself in the mindset of 'speed cleaning', as in, forget the pedantic "got to have all the kids books put back with the spines aligned", just grab an item, and put it back where it's meant to go. You'd be surprised at how much you'll achieve when given a time limit - and at the end of the 20 minutes, you've got a nice tidy(er) house, so kick back and enjoy with a cuppa.
3. Date Nights - when you're busy being a mum, a student, a domestic goddess, you forget the fun parts of life, and why you got into a relationship in the first place. At least once a month (or if that's not possible, once every six weeks is usually a good stretch), get a sitter and go out with your partner. If you don't have a partner, go out with your girlfriends. If you don't have any girlfriends, then go out with a sibling, your grandma, or someone who will actually talk back! Worse case, go see a movie by yourself (which is a lot more enjoyable than it sounds!) It's so important that you don't lose sight of the fact that your time is just as precious and someone needs to take care of you now and then.
4. Establish a Weekly Routine - This is a 'tip' that is applicable to mothers of all ages. The reason why it sits so nicely in this blog is because as 'young mummies', who are constantly waging this dichotomy of young and free with 24/7 mum duties, routines don't always come naturally - trust me I know! For your own sanity, create some form of routine. Whether it be something that's highly rigid and marked down to the minute, or something more open ended, either way it will give you some solid guidance for those days where it feels like it's just blended into the next. It will also give your kids something constant and sure, which always helps prevent tantrums and destructive behaviour. And will also give you an indication of when 'me time' is approaching!
5. Sleep When You Can - I've have been told so often to 'sleep when the baby sleeps'. It's the advice that has transcended through time, and there's good reason for it. On the flip side, if you spend every waking minute with your kids, and then sleep when they sleep, that doesn't leave much room for you to just be you. This is a fine line here - you need your sleep, god knows. But you also need you time. So give yourself a 'cut-off' bedtime, and stick to this time. Make sure it gives you enough sleep to function based on worse case scenarios, such as baby waking up 4 - 5 times a night. But any time before your 'cut-off' time is yours to keep.
6. Have a washing day - there's going to be a constant flow of dirty clothes in a household with kids. And when one day can easily blur into the next, it's good to put in place a day to do the washing. That way, you're not doing some form of laundry nearly every day of the week, then get burnt out and neglect it for a fortnight. It keeps the ball rolling.
7. Kids can help to clean too! - When you've got toddlers or older kids, you can turn your mundane household chores into fun activities for the kids - like sorting the laundry from coloureds to whites, putting them in the washing machine, asking them to pack up all the books, and sweeping the floors. Every bit counts.
8. Remember how old they are - They're kids. Babies. And they don't care if you have an appointment to get to, or you're running late for work. It's incredibly stressful, but you can choose to loose your temper with them, which will just make them upset and prolong the task, or you can stay calm, realise that these sort of things happen, and most people are understanding of a late mum. It won't change the outcome, but it will make you feel better.
9. Tea Time - I wish I had used this tip more, but it's hard to walk away, especially when you're so frustrated. When baby is just being impossible - a 3 month old not sleeping for hours, a toddler throwing constant tantrums, the kids running and screaming - and you're about to explode! Instead, plonk the baby in the cot, the kids in their room (assuming it's child safe), go put on the kettle and have a cup of tea. Go somewhere you can no longer hear the crying. If you know they can't hurt themselves, or they're not crying for some other more sinister reason, then rest assured they'll be fine. It will give you a bit of a breather, a break from the crying and will let you pull yourself together. Screaming at the baby to 'STOP CRYING' doesn't work. Taking time out to have a cuppa does, because when you come back, they might have settled down themselves, or it will give you a patience recharge to keep going just that bit longer.
10. It's not forever - something I constantly reminded myself of, driving my shit box car, sitting on my hand-me-down couch, living on 2 minute noodles when we only had money for nappies. Things wont always be this way. In 5 years time, things will be so different. Better yet, even 6 months from now. When you look back to the past 6 months and look at how far you've come, how much easier parenting is getting, you realise that nothing is permanent. Keep that in mind next time you say 'why is life so hard' - yes it is hard, but it won't always be.
Keep an eye out for our next post, to reiterate just how life does get better as a young mum, with a autobio of an inspirational teen mum.
Would love to hear your thoughts, and what great tips you've been given to make life a little easier!
With love,
Ashleigh.
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