Define a 'Young Mum'

Young Mum's Community is designed specifically for mum's who are:

1. Learning how to be a mum
2. Learning how to be an adult
3. Trying desperately to establish a life

...all at the same time.

This blog may sounds like a massive generalisation and may provoke and annoy older mothers who stumble across it, but evidently, there is little support and information available specific to Young Mums. Young mums are the first to join a mothers group, with the hope of finding other young mums, but are usually the first to leave because they tend to be the youngest of the group. It needs to be made clear that being a 'young mum' isn't age specific - it's the 'life stage age' we're referring to.

It's a very difficult thing being a young mum. While there are issues that affect the general maternal population, older mothers usually don't face the same issues as young mums. It's not just learning to be a mum; it's learning to be an adult, learning how to manage a household, manage finances when you have very little, how to establish and maintain appropriate friendships, how to be a 'wife', survive a relationship or get by on your own, and how to 'still be young'. When older mothers have most of this 'learning' behind them, young mothers have to do it all at the same time.

One of the biggest issues facing young mothers is financial hardship. Older mothers might face the same financial pressures if they haven't been able to get much behind them, but they generally don't face the problem of trying to sort out where they are heading because they've already been in their job/career for some time. An additional advantage, the father of the child is likely to be older too, and therefore has higher earning capacity, better job security and probably has a solid idea of what he wants to do with his life; not so much for young men with the world at their feet.

There's also the problem of social judgments. It comes from all directions. Health care workers such as midwives and infant welfare nurses dish it out. Family can be as bad, if not worse. But I think older mothers are by far the worst. New mums are really judgemental at the best of times and always looking to see how their child measures up. The young mum is the ideal target for patronisation. It makes the older mum feel superior and in control when she is feeling as out of control as the younger mum. Not all women are like this of course, but it only takes one or two to make the young mum feel even more vulnerable than she already is. At the end of the day, no matter what age we are, or what life stage we are at, if we're a new mum, we're all 'new' at this.

Isolation is common among any mother, but can be made worse because young mums are often located in the outer suburbs where services are not as good. They often don't have access to transport (cars break down, or no public transport) or simply cannot afford to put petrol in their 1990 shit box of a car. If they are facing financial pressures, they can't afford to live in affluent areas with easy access to education and support facilities. Older women can face this also, but it's more likely to be faced by younger mums.

There are lots of young mums that just don’t have the social support that older mums do. Older mothers have years ahead of relationship and friendship building. Their friendship groups are generally established, and are likely to be at the same life stage. They might have mutual friends though marriage, have friendship groups through working and their careers. And are generally no longer studying so they don't have the pressure of stuydying and raising kids at the same time.

Young mothers not only have the issue of trying to establish strong friendship groups, but the ones they do have are in jeopardy as young mum's friends are simply not at the same life stage. Going out is simple too difficult being a mum; dinner parties and such, typical to the older mother is much more child friendly than a pub crawl till 6am. Difficult when you're a mum. So friendships can be really strained for young mums who's friends aren't at the same stage of life.

They also face real concerns with body issues and fashion that older mums don’t. It’s much more difficult to accept stretch marks and saggy boobs at 20 than it is at 35. When knowingly you had a good decade of good boobs ahead of you, instead you've got 'nanny' boobs at the tender age of 23.
The sex issues for younger mums is very different. I can't talk from experience as I'm still young, but I've been told older women don't hold the self esteem and self confidence issues that young women do. If you're lucky to be in a relationship, you've then got the issues of the father likely being at his sexual prime, and you're running on 4 hours sleep. If you're not in a relationship, you worry about the stretch marks, the extra flab around the belly, worried you wont compare with the other tight, trim girls that still have their vagina intact (which may I point out is an unwarranted fear, but none the less terrifying). And of course the juvenile taunts of immature peers discussing how 'mangled' your vagina must be because you've had a kid. Not such the case you morons.

The relationship issues are also different because younger mothers are unlikely to be married. Often their relationship is much newer than older mums so you go through different problems. The father of the child is also likely to be younger and as such going through issues that older dads may not. Many younger mums have already separated from their partner so are more likely to face problems with access, financial support and issues with Centrelink.

As I mentioned before, not all 'older' mothers are as I've described; can we even say 'older' mothers? I know plenty of mothers who are chronologically more advanced than I, but I see no age gap. This blog is for those mothers who, typically are young (teenagers to 20 somethings, or even 30 somethings) who have not much backing behind them and are facing the world of adulthood and parenthood with a dollar in their pocket an a baby latched to their breast (or bottle).

This blog is designed to give young mums a forum to connect, share, complain, reach out and above all, fit in.

With love,

Ash.

P.S. Thanks mum for your contribution on this. Love you.